If what you need is an answer —

You can get one —

Go ahead and make one —

Or take one.

Because really, any will do — if resolving the question as soon as possible is of the utmost importance.

But —

If you want to know the truth —

If you want to be certain in your heart of hearts —

Then you must agree to some amount of waiting and seeing.

A time of testing —

Playing it out —

And living in a state of —

Faith.

Today I allow myself to feel "I don't know" without rushing any conclusions.  I allow myself to gaze into the mysterious horizon passively —

Without acting upon anything. 

I allow myself to leave the sentence unfinished.

For now.

Because.

I don't know.

Yet.

To do or say nothing is often the most effective, graceful move.  But it's easy to get drawn into a habit of measuring our worth in terms of the number of things we "check off" or resolve each day.  Where could your life and your relationships be served by being more wisely passive?  How will you allow yourself to wait alertly — and receive the blessed surprise you did nothing to "earn"?

The quintessential stub of the toe —

At the very same place in the sequence —

Every single time we run the pattern.

And still.

We keep running it.  Keep hitting the snag.  Keep thinking —

This time it will be different.

And then —

Well —

It's not.

So — 

What?  

What, exactly, are we to do with this impediment? 

Just keep it?  Embrace it?  Allow it?  

Say, "I mean to do that" and make it cool?

Perhaps, yes —

If it truly cannot be overcome.

But then.

How many things truly, truly fit this bill?

I am finding the answer — when it comes to me and my perceived limitations — to be:

Very few.

I am also finding —

When I have the heart to stub my toe in community —

In the company of people who support the changes I want to make —

People who will watch with care, break down my moves, give me honest feedback and encourage me to try again —

Without thinking, without judging, without expecting perfection —

People who will look me in the eye and say —

"Just be fabulous."

Well, then —what do you know?

I am.

Is there a limitation you want to get past rather than letting it drag you down and hold you back?  Are you ready to bring this into community?  How will you open yourself up to finding the right community, teacher or coach? 

It hides and sneaks —

Peeks through, teases, invites — and then —

Gradually, or maybe abruptly —

It's gone.

And — 

It's easy to feel —

Faked out.  Fooled.  Left in the dark. 

Angry.  Abandoned.

Alone.

But this is all illusion.  

The nature of light — I remind myself in this particularly gloomy stretch of June in Minnesota —

Is its faithfulness.

It's always present.  Always working its miracles.

And yes, we may go to the window with high hopes —

Only to open the drapes to more —

Drear. 

And we may shed painful gallons of tears because we cannot see or touch what we wish with all our might to see and touch.

But if we open the door to mystery — allow mystery to gently move in and sit quietly beside us —

We will eventually see — another way.

In the words of Helen Keller —

"The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen.  Or even touched.  They must be felt —

"With the heart."

Take heart.  

Where and how do you welcome mystery in your everyday life?  Is there an experience you can recall that challenged you, but ultimately helped you develop new ways to see in the dark?  

I like order.  

Trust me.  

The underpinnings of my daily routine border on rain-man-ritualistic.

Sequencing, labeling, filing and categorizing —

List making, fact checking, laying out and —

5 - 6 - 7 - 8 —

Staging.

I create order — maybe even compulsively —

To prepare to receive, with grace —

What I don't order.

And these days — whether it's my age, experience, or some form of enlightenment arriving with tonight's full moon lunar eclipse —

"Not what I ordered" is taking on an allure I never imagined it could possess.

The delightful discovery in the detour.  

The perfect pattern in an unplanned stroke.  

The healing after a sincere apology —

The proverbial rainbow after the rain.

Oh, I know it's not "all good."

Toilets overflow, dogs vomit, tornadoes hurl— and people get cancer.

But the divine spew that carries disease and disaster also holds the miraculous potential to be everything we hope for —

And more.

If we can learn to trust in —

An order higher than —

Our own.

How does receiving something you didn't order tend to make you feel?  Are you aware of holding on or insisting when it might be time to allow a higher order to take over?  Are you open to taking the good with the bad?  What do you want to let go of today?

So I open the pretty packets and liberate the tiny feathers of dark dry has-blooms to —

Become —

Again.

With hopeful finger tips, I push them gently into the soil of my longing and —

Tuck them in with faith.  

Then water —

And wait.   

On day three I decide to take a peek.  

But an urban rat beats me to it.

Dirt and dreams of soaring zinnias disturbed, I water again and wait while hedging my bets with an old grade school trick — a second packet of seeds in a row of promising paper cups on the window sill —

Inside.  

With this, I can't help thinking about how important it is to pair discernment with faith — especially when it comes to our sacred intentions.  The mystery of growth — whether it is self-awareness or a relationship between two hearts — involves both light and dark, roots and shoots, stillness and movement, hanging on and —

Letting go.

Some of what happens is out of our control — and wondrously so!  

But a fair amount can be influenced by our attitudes, actions — and intentional presence.  We can bring our sacred seeds inside until they can keep the squirrels away on their own.  We can improve our soil conditions and create healthy space between our roots and the roots of others in our pots.  We can stretch for the light together — 

Until it's time to bloom again.

What are the sacred seeds in your life today?  Do you feel like you are giving them the best conditions possible to bloom?  If not, what will you do differently to nurture them?